So, I've been reading...

My boyfriend always says its a bad thing when I have been reading, because I internalize my books too much, he does not say it in those words he just says "Sarah, you need to stop believing everything you read in books." I am not sure why I always think the problems that happen to the characters in my books will happen to me, but I do this fairly regularly.
Recently I have been reading children's books both picture and chapter as well as adult books of my own interest. The children's books have been to prepare myself for student teaching in a week and to familiarize myself with children's literature. It is going okay, I have been focused on authors and reading through all of their writings that I can get my hands on, but I was also doing recommended readings I did not have time to do during summer classes. I have finished those readings yesterday and thrown myself into reading at least one children's literature book everyday, it is not hard for picture books and not really for longer chapter books, but it does mean my personal reading books are left more and more by the wayside.
I am currently reading books by Kevin Henkes, specifically his chapter books because I finished all the picture books I could get my hands on. His chapter books are all set in Wisconsin where he lives and so far all have male protagonists between 10-12 years old. Also with the exception of Margaret & Taylor, most have parental "problems" (dead parents, parents who run away, who leave their spouse, etc.), and some are only children.
This morning I was struck by a conundrum that people my age might face or might not I cannot really speak for them. I am young and I have been thinking recently about getting married, (which for me is progress only thinking up to that point and not beyond) and I was struck today by a tug of war I feel. I want to get married and be with my boyfriend always, but I do not want to rush it. I do not want to get married to soon only to get divorced. I understand that people get divorced for a myriad of reasons, and my own parents are divorced. Last year in particular I started analyzing every couple I knew that was divorced and trying to solve the mysteries behind each case so as to have a better chance for myself. My boyfriend is not concerned he says we are more awesome than most people so I should not worry, but if you couldn't tell I tend to be a worrier. In this light I feel that there is almost a push-pull dynamic. When I do yoga, my teachers tend to suggest that most postures have a push-pull dynamic meaning that you are told to do two opposite things at the same time to stretch forward and yet pull back and somehow find the balance between the two. I am looking for that in the light of my relationship how to find the balance between the push-pull. Do I move forward and hope for the best or pull back and try to stretch it out make it last as long as possible in its current state to prevent failure later on? I am not sure there is an answer. I know relationships are personal and each person differs, but I wonder how you know when it is time to move forward or when to hang back is it all instinct or are there distinct objective questions that can guide me there. Ideally, I want an easy way out and objective list of questions to tell me what to do, because in my life my relationship is one of the things I care most about and do not want to "mess it up". I tend to believe I should just let go and see where things go, but for me this is a challenge and I try to worry it out and prevent all possible negative outcomes before they even happen. Silly I know but I do it with the best intentions... Hopefully I can learn how to let go and live in the here and now not worry about what is going to come. Let things progress as they will.

Somewhere Only We Know

In one of my graduate classes, someone said "there is a song for everything" which is how I feel most of the time. I comfort myself with music, singing and dance. I am not good at really any of those things but belting songs or blasting music or dancing out my feelings always makes me feel better. I was at work the other day and my boss who likes 80s and 90s music was playing "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane. I was overcome by the sadness of this song, I had heard it before and listened to it, but I find that music only speaks to you when you are receptive. I like to have a large iTunes library for this reason, to have enough songs that will speak to me when I am ready to hear them. I have since then really had this song stuck in my head. I am not necessarily in the exact position of this song, which happens more than you would think.... (I am a lyric person if you couldn't guess, I like the tunes too but lyrics are where I LIVE). I just struck by the ability for this song to speak to almost a universal longing to have consistency and to have someone. 

I am not alone, I have been dating my boyfriend for 4.5ish years and we are doing wonderfully, because everyone who knows me doubts it I will reassure you too. We are not together all the time because we are doing long distance... but we are closer than we have been and see each other quite frequently (although thats never enough for either of us). I have spend a large portion of time thinking about us and now that I stopped thinking I know we are right. We make sense and fit and I love him more than I could possibly believe would happen. This song still pulls at my heart and this deeper feeling within me wanting to know that we will be together forever. I know that I would be with him forever and not think twice about it... the thing I am uncertain about it how life tends to get in the way while you are making other plans. I realize though that I have never trusted anyone as much as I do him nor have I let go around other people. 

A couple days ago I bought a shirt...

Now I am not the type of person to shop frequently at all, in fact this is probably the first shirt I have bought in months. I saw it when I was shopping at Marshall's and I went to find sunglasses. These sunglasses I had tried on the week before when I decided to celebrate getting into graduate school by going shopping with a good friend. I did not buy them because I already had one pair of sunglasses, but what I remembered later is that I always sit on my sunglasses and then have to buy and ugly pair because I cannot find ones that I like, so I went back to pick them up. Of course when I saw them in the store there were like 10 pairs and when I went back there was one remaining, why does it always work like that. Anyways I was walking straight too them after a quick detour in shoes, because really who doesn't love shoes, and I got sidetracked. If you knew me you would be surprised that I was shopping at all because I am frugal and rarely spend money. But the shirt that I bough had sidetracked me it was just so cute that I found a small and bought it without having even tried it on, a very unSarah thing to do. I went home and was assessing what I had bought, I checked it with a couple friends who loved it and then I show it to my boyfriend. He says it looks like something Mr. T would wear, and I am like WHAT? How so? He says the embellished neckline, really he said it looks like Mr. T's chain necklaces. Well from there although I looked at the shirt differently I realized he just does not know what he is talking about. I kept the shirt anyways. I figure its always good to get extra advice, what do you think? Is this a shirt that reminds you of Mr. T (I pity the fool)....